OK...so it has been just over 3 weeks since I've posted which is unacceptable in my mind, and I assume in some of yours as well, if you're still following. So, I apologize for the tardiness of this post. To be honest, I have been putting it off...nothing new for me really though.
Recently, another wave of homesickness reared its ugly head, and I was thinking about home, but this time I was prepared and got over it very quickly. This post is going to be mostly school themed. So far in the TWO MONTHS - yes, two months (I'll talk about that later in this post) - that I've been here, I have only had one homework assignment and I have not had to do much of anything except be there. My schedule is extremely light, and It's great that I don't have to spend countless hours at school, but I think it's more of a curse than a blessing. My schedule is lighter than those of my fellow classmates, much to their disliking; and I am starting to feel the same way about it. Leaving earlier than the rest of my classmates really limits my interaction with them. My host family, my teachers, and my Rotary counselor have all noticed that I am quiet, and to me that is what I am used to. It has been difficult for me, especially, to open up so much in such a short time. You'd think once i'd heard it ten times I would be able to, but it's something that doesn't come to me very easily. I haven't had difficulty making friends, I've had difficulty maintaining a social life. Throwing parties or inviting people out isn't something I am used to doing. I'm more used to being invited, going with the flow. Clearly that isn't working for me here. I have to get out of my comfort zone and, though I may not want to, it is absolutely necessary. Saying it is one thing; doing it is the trouble I have with it. This is probably the most important thing for me to do and I now realize is the reason I am here in the first place. I've always thought that the question "Why did you choose to go on exchange?" was an awkward question...I never knew the answer and I feel like I just spewed random shit..."for college" was the answer I hid behind for the longest time. Opening up, growing up, finding myself as a person is the whole point of this exchange for me. I don't think I am nearly there yet, but I know now that this is the reason that I am here. I've realized that very few people actually know the real me. I feel like most people just see "Mark- he studies, plays soccer, is a nice kid..." What does that even mean though? Where is the individuality in that? Unfortunately, that's all I know of myself as well. I've fallen into a trap. I've found that even I don't know myself. I can think of no other description of myself other than that entirely generic description I just gave. If I were to see anything in the mirror of Erised, it would be for me to find myself. I want to know more about me, just like everyone else here in Denmark, and at home too. Reading has always been something that comforts me when I really need it. I need to change that...not drop it, but translate it to my relationships with people. Hoping for the best.
Now for the next topic...WOW. I've been here for two months already. Time is moving unnaturally quickly. Hours are minutes, months are only a few days long. I can't keep up! "Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." -Carl Sandburg. I found this quote online and really liked it. Now, how will I spend that coin? Something to think about.
Hopefully this is somewhat coherent...Sorry, again, about the lateness. More posts to come!
Vi ses!
No comments:
Post a Comment